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Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Balance has been brought back to the Force

But not quite in the same way as you all might have figured. Liverpool FC have won the European Cup, Champions of the UEFA Champions League, the "Stanley Cup" of football in Europe.

Image gratiously blasted from BBC.

But how does this bring the ForceTM back into balance? Steven Gerrard has not donned a black helmet with a respirator. Manchester United is still in the Champions League next season? What gives?

The answer lies in the year 1920. The year two justices are done in a completely different sport. Major League Baseball. First off, and with broad sweeping legal implications (and keep in mind my feelings about wanting to chain lawyers to the bottom of the sea), Shoeless Joe Jackson, depicted here

I'm sure all these baseball photos are blasted from the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame.

along with seven other teammates, got banned from baseball for life (well and afterlife) for conspiring to fix the World Series.

To get away from the complete negativity brought on by lawyers and their evil kindred, the Boston Red Sox delighted the Golden World-a-verse (somewhat akin to the View Askew-iverse) when owner Harry Frazee sold Ruth to the New York Yankees to raise money for his Broadway theatrical productions.

In that single move, all the positive energy in the baseball universe shifted from the then most successful franchise, the Boston Red Sox, to the "Third" team in the big apple, the former New York Highlanders, recently re-christened the Yankees.

85 years of bliss followed. The Red Sox fell apart. The Yankees won 26 World Series (which brings bliss to the Golden World). When the Red Sox got to the series, they would get inches from winning without grasping for the final victory, just like in this video.

Then last year, it seemed as though the veil of the dark side had fallen. Amongst many atrocities, some IDIOT Boston reporter said that Johnny Damon

bore some resemblance to Jesus.

Buddy Christ blasted from View Askew Productions.

So, to punish those in the Golden World-a-verse, God (or some reasonable facsimile) lifted the beloved curse on the most hated sports franchise on the planet. The Boston Red Sox. Don't believe me? Ben Affleck is a fan. He is potentially the worst actor EVER. And we all hated his shit with J-Lo. Anyhow, 2004, Sox win the series. You're 'umble writer vomits for weeks, denying the event.

Waking up from his drunken stupor, God, who realizes both the curse being lifted, plus the lack of hockey, sees only one way to make it up. Give the winningest football club in England the Champions League championship (strange way to put it, but yeah). They were shit in the Premiership (only to be bested in shittiness by a rowdy group of Geordies who have a fetish for red cards), but yet when it mattered, the Reds were possessed as if by a higher being.

Thank you God (or whoever you are, just don't end up being George Burns), for putting things right.


Psssst... take care of this moron while you're at it, ok?

neolithic pondered at 19:27
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