Friday, May 13, 2005
Mail to A Golden World...
As enormous as the readership is for A Golden World as it is presently, I still do try my hardest to reply to all the mail that I possibly can. And when I say enormous, I really mean tiny. When I say try my hardest, what I really mean is if I like you, I'll reply, if I don't, well, tough shit. And if you're just setting yourself up for a piss taking, by all means, you WILL (not you Mr. Derringher) get the piss royally taken out of you.
Just like this letter I recieved two days ago. Regarding a "Job Opportunity" I recently recieved from our "Career Services Department" from "My Alma Mater". Ok, I'll face it. Queen's University is my alma mater really. Four fine drunken years. Golden Words (from which this blog is loosely based on), Clark Hall Pub, more rain than the UK, dying your body with a permanent purple dye called gentian violet, shillacked hair shaped into mohawks spray painted gold. Ahh, those were the days. And cheaper than film school.
Ok enough ranting. On to the email. Which is a forward from our "career advisor", Luann Bilyk.
The Ontario Film Comission referred me to you. My name is El Valasis and I'm working with Beau Flynn and Keith Sweitzer at Contra Film in Los Angeles, CA.
We are looking for interns to work for the Producers of an upcoming feature to be shot in Toronto this summer. This is an amazing opportunity for hardworking, enthusiastic individuals to get their foot in the door and meet and work with people in the biz. The project is a $50 million feature for New Line, directed by Shekhar Kapur (Elizabeth, The Four Feathers) and starring Bruce Willis.
Qualified candidates will be quick on their feet and capable of maintaining a positive attitude during long, long hours and a lot of hard work.
Interviews will start May 19 in Toronto. Please send resumes to Contrafilm, ATTN: SOLACE Internship.
Fax: [insert fax number here]
Which was immediately followed by this email...
PLEASE EMAIL RESUME TO – [insert email here]
Attention – Solace Internship
PLEASE INDICATE IN YOUR COVER LETTER THAT YOU WERE REFERRED BY LUANN BILYK
Wow, the first email from "Career Services" in close to three weeks. But funny, an internship is NOT a career. It isn't even paid. LuAnn, here's a hint. This is a 50 million dollar film. It says so in the email. READ IT. Not just a second email from the sender saying what the email address is, and to have graduates list your name so it looks like you are doing your job.
But my beef isn't really with you LuAnn. Well, not exactly. With you, it's simple. Everything you sent me I've found much, MUCH earlier. Like the last one. An ad from playback magazine, emailed to me on April 27, which I found three days earlier. The one "job" that I've got through you guys, which you actually emailed me saying you thought I would get paid (like this wasn't a dead giveaway) was a freebie, shooting a pilot for television. And seeing as my education cost me upwards of twenty THOUSAND dollars, this doesn't help me pay the tab, nor eat, nor keep a roof over my head.
Guess what? I have been working construction. Just to keep myself fed, from the TWENTY THOUSAND dollar tab for my education. Definitely NOT what I have been trained for. I have been promised a job at CBC when I graduated, which by the way, being in the same building, have never heard of us. And having graduated with high honours, I would think it wouldn't be hard to get me a job.
UNLESS YOU DIDN'T TRY
Anyhow, the mandate of this blog is to take the piss, not to rant. In that spirit, I would first like to leave you a list of emails.
LuAnn Bilyk - Career Services LBilyk@IAOD.com
Rick Bennett - Co-ordinator, Digital Film and Television Production Program firstname.lastname@example.org
John Foote - Director, Toronto Film School email@example.com
Campus President firstname.lastname@example.org
Ministry of Education http://www.edu.gov.on.ca/eng/welcome.html
I shall populate more on this list in my comments. As for taking the piss... cut and paste this post into an email and send it to the above emails. Feel free to add your own two cents. Or four cents. Let them know how you feel about this. Tell some friends about this site. Send tons of virii in your email as attachments. If you have other suggestions, let me know.
Jeff aka neolithic
neolithic pondered at 19:15