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Monday, May 30, 2005
So which game is really football?

It is definitely beginning to be a sport argument subject of choice around the A Golden World-a-verse (well, ok, Canada too). Which game is football, really?

Well, for a little backstory, the FIFA version of football is the older version, having roots back to English mediaeval times, and is universally more recognized as the game of football.

In North America, the game referred to as football is the one that has all the hype on Sundays, the players wear more armour than a tank invading Iraq. And it doesn't stop there. The rules for football in the US, in the NFL, are different than those in Canada, and the CFL. College and the Pros have different rules.

In Australia, there game is so bizarre we won't even mention it.

So who's right? Traditionally, FIFA football should be the correct choice. But in our world, money talks. And there aren't any richer, fatter, and more gluttonous people than the Yanks. So it's FIFA vs. The NFL. And without further adieuTM,

A GOLDEN WORLD STACKS UP THE TWO FOOTBALLS. WHO WILL BE THE TRUE FOOTBALL?

1. Breaking down the name
Football. Hmm... let me think. It seems to be a compound of two words. One being

foot, and the other being

ball. In FIFA, all players typically handle the ball with their feet, though can use any appendage aside from the arms and hands. Except the goalie. But most play is done with the feet. Hence FIFA does live up to the name football.

In the NFL, most of the ball handling is with the hands, where only in extra point, field goal, punting, and kick-offs, is the ball handled with the feet, which is about 5% of gameplay. Oddly enough, players get kicked in the BALLS, or groin, more often during a game.

Edge FIFA.

2. Simplicity
In FIFA, the object of the game is to put the ball in the goal, more times than your opponents. Each goal is worth one point.

In the NFL, the object is to outscore your opponent, getting 6 points for a touchdown, which you can convert by kicking for 1 extra point, or running back into the end zone for two. You can get 3 points for kicking a field goal, and 2 points for, on defense, tackling your opponent into their own end zone with the ball, all in order to get scores of 42-35, because 3-2 just plain isn't exciting enough. To add to matters, the rulebook is thicker than any other sport, and needs a master's degree in international relations to understand fully.

Edge FIFA.

3. Respect for the other.
In FIFA football countries, they call the NFL American Football, just to identify there is a bit of a difference, and just to jab at America, as the name is an insult outside of the union.

In North America, FIFA football is named Soccer, to make it seem really gay and stupid, so nobody would ever think of calling such a pansy sport something as masculine as football.

Edge NFL.

With the A Golden World official tallyTM, FIFA edges the NFL 2-1, without the need for extra time or penalty kicks. The NFL is hereby asked to rename themselves. I have two suggestions.

1. Soccer.
2. American Rugby.
neolithic pondered at 07:08
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