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Thursday, June 30, 2005
Finds from around the net

Yup. 100% filler. Gotta love it.

Tom Cruise for the XBox thanks to the Banterist.

It's the end of the world as we know it and right wing ranters are comparing Michael Moore to T-Rex's. But Moore is all flab, the T-Rex was muscle.

Silk, just fresh off of her movie date philosophising, quotes Jack Nicholson in Batman, claiming to have "bats in her belfry". I wonder if this is unusual.

Will Stigmata celebrates a month-versary (don't pick on me I'm a Canuck who can't spell) and makes it look like a prom date.

That is all. And if you're bored, use your left hand. It feels like a strangers. Not that I'd know from experience.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Hard to spell... Easy to Draw.

It's official. A Golden WorldTM's offices have now travelled 5,000 miles west, to the "Beautiful" province of British Columbia. As a child, I always wondered what may be British about a place like Columbia, as the other two would be a homeland of cocaine in South America lovely travel destination, and the other, a District of cocaine snorting President George W. Bush Columbia, home to historic Washington, DC. Then when the Yorkshire Angel and I reached the greater Vancouver area, it hit us.

IT RAINS. JUST AS MUCH AS IT DOES IN THE UK.

But seriously (yeah, yeah, me, ok) BC is such a beautiful place. Too bad we had to go through hell to get to it. And when I say hell, I mean...



Yup. Saskatchewan. Hard to spell. Easy to draw. Saskatchewan definitely gives every redneck a bad name. Imagine you're worst image of a redneck town who doesn't like outsiders. Saskatchewaners are worse. But who can blame them? The entire province is flat. It's cut into rectangles. Hell, even one of the provincial slogans suggested (and made the top ten in consideration) was See Saskatchewan, standing on a chair. But we're through, never to look back. But I guess there's one good thing about Saskatchewan. The lovely sealskin they get there by clubbing the indigenous baby seals.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
I wanna be a Toys 'R' Us kid!

Yep, I guess the move is making me a little bit reflective on how things change, how we must change. Then I read this Foxtrot strip from today and was reminded of what I'd be doing if I weren't driving out to beautiful British Columbia this week.

I'd be driving my wonderful partner Dawn completely and utterly up the wall. Twice a week viewings of the Revenge of the Sith. Tons of Toys 'R' Us lightsabres. And of course, a mask that looks like this...



And just think, I'm 32 years old and haven't grown up one bit yet. Isn't it sad?

No! It's sad the rest of the world hasn't kept the inner child. I can't wait to get out west. Now it goes from Star Wars, to the source of my income...

Saturday, June 18, 2005
Third Degree Burn

Well, this is just the funniest thing I came across the last couple of days. See I go to this place, where everybody knows my name (and if you're thinking Cheers, you didn't clicky already. Do it now!!!). And at said place, there's this certain person who works there that isn't quite as friendly as the rest of the staff that have endeared themselves to mine and the Yorkshire Angel's hearts.

Last night, one of our friends who works there, well, their parents stopped by for a cup of whatever they fancied. Said staff member in question served them, and then let the parents know that they were there all the time.

Unbeknownst to our less than favorite staff member, this reminded the parents of who that staff member was, and then let said employee know "oh, your the one [our child] doesn't like that works here", right to said employee's face.



BURN!!!
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Degrassi Revisited...

Yes, amongst all the google searches for Degrassi, which mindlessly and endlessly debate the reasons Kevin Smith (yes, Kevin Smith) is directing an episode of Degrassi, the Next Generation. Don't believe me? Watch Chasing Amy again, and listen for the Degrassi reference.

Anyhow... having been a month without my Degrassi fix, I decided had to get up early yesterday morning, and watched the ever fateful episode where Caitlyn learns she has epilepsy, and is ashamed and doesn't take her pills regularly. She has a grand mal seziure at a slumber party, and learns her lesson. Hopefully (though Degrassi never re-iterated the story line).

I guess there's a few things to be said. Dubya, quit your 40 year whine and start taking your meds already. Also, I just have to ask this, having taken umpteen safety, CPR, first aid, and lifeguarding courses. Who in their right mind (even 20 years back) believed you could swallow your tongue? I mean really. I've never swallowed it. Nobody I've known has swallowed it. Yet there's always some village idiot uninformed person who just has to suggest this. Put a spoon in his/her mouth so that they don't swallow their tongue. How would a spoon keep you from swallowing your tongue? Usually (and this is just my demented experience) if I have a spoon in my mouth I tend to be able to breathe less aptly as opposed to when my mouth is clear of foriegn objects.

NOTE TO WORLD

Anyone who I hear saying that somebody should put a spoon in someones mouth when they are in some incapacitated state, I hearby give you



For life.

As for



Thank you for showing us the way.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
I puke therefore I am

The mating cry of the Frosh. Until they learn to handle their CH3CH2OH. But that never happens in arts. Learn to love McDonalds Artsci's!!! It's the source of your paycheck.

God I miss being a FREC



Inducing little froshies to shout, climb greasy poles, and PUKE.

Ahhh yes, VOMIT. The subject of this little tidbit of mindless drivel intended to make you laugh so hard you... well, not vomit, but, lets just say snort milk out your nose.



Read an article in the closest thing New York Jr. has to a tabloid... the Toronto Sun. Read this quick little article, mentioning how a student had been expelled from high school for apparently "intentionally vomiting" on your teacher.

Now when I think about intentionally vomiting, two things come to mind. First, would be the high probablility situation. Somebody feels ill, and "someone" pisses them off enough that they aim one of their hurls at the teacher. However there is a flaw to the logic of this. Who on earth, less Paris Hilton



would actually not make a mad dash to the lavatory if they even remotely felt the urge to hurl? Usually casualties from bile and debris of vomitus are failed attempts of mad dashes to the loo. Could the teacher just have gotten in the poor victims way? And as a sidenote, isn't Paris Hilton one of the dancers Jabba casts to the Rancor? God I do hope so. Enough Simple Life already.

The other, which is a less likely event, because as such, this would be a controlled event, not just an illness based occurrence. Normally, this would happen at the toilet, but now, it seems, some teenager may have gotten pissed off so bad that he/she made themselves VOMIT on their teacher in retalliation. I wonder what that teacher did to piss the kid off.

After doing this google search, it has come to my attention that vomiting is truly the in thing, not just a status symbol of a frosh breaking his or her cherry on the magical juice, CH3CH2OH, which I found here.

Dumb frosh, dumb. The idea was to NOT puke.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Wacko Jacko

Well, to avoid a total tirade, I'll just post some interesting links to various sites being a bit less corporately slanted regarding the issue of Michael Jackson's recent "not guilty" verdict...

Mussel Juice.

Just a snippet here.

New Yorkers think something is askew.

Ang puts up a well thought out defence for Wacko.

My two cents? I know I'm beating a dead horse here. Nothing else we can do in the specific matter regarding the self proclaimed King of Pop. He's found not guilty. Not necessarily innocent. Just not enough evidence to convince without a shadow of a doubt. I apologize if this post isn't funny, but there's nothing funny about the charges involved in this case. Michael even admitted to "sleeping with young boys", though not doing anything "inappropriate". With that admission, he's borderline. I just find it hard to believe he's not guilty. It's not as though this is out of the blue. We've heard the rumours for years. If he truly is innocent, and all this is a vast media ruse to create some interest for an upcoming album, I sure won't be chomping at the bit ready to buy. If he is guilty, America should really look at their whole core of values. Seems that infotainment is more important than truth and justice.
Monday, June 13, 2005
Second straight dip into the mailbag.

Still thinking up a funnier (well ok from my point of view) post, but until I form something concrete, just thought I'd share an email I got today.

And it's from, surprise, surprise, from the super bitch from hell ever so delightful gratuitous position at school to avoid lawsuits career "counsellor", Luann Bylik.

CAMERA BAR is looking for a General Manager.
If you or someone you know has experience in the hospitality industry and is also passionate about film, we would like to meet them.
The job has many responsibilities and requires a wide variety of skills but there are many benefits.

We are looking to hire someone by the end of June.
Please forward this message to anyone you think would be interested and ask them to contact:

Simone Urdl
camerabar@sympatico.ca
416-530-7856
1028 Queen Street West, Toronto

What a wonderful opportunity! After spending nearly $25,000 to learn how to write, direct, light, shoot, edit, and record sound, I finally have the opportunity of a lifetime. Surely that alone will qualify me for being passionate about film.

But wait, neither Bernie's nor Andrew's (the only two that mattered really) classes taught bartending. Won't I have to go back to the bartender's college (yup there is one in Toronto) to get my S.M.A.R.T. certificate? Wait. We shouldn't pay $25,000 to learn how to be a bartender, without having the proper bartending cards. Tsk tsk, Ms. Bylik, I hereby, as A Golden World's time honoured (well month honoured) tradition, give you this...



Just for being a complete idiot. Oh, and Luann, erm... how do I explain this?

I GOT A JOB IN VANCOUVER!! Maybe, just maybe, you might want to look outside the internet (which I've already found 100 times as many jobs as you) and look to cities that have ACTUAL PRODUCTIONS in them that don't require major union experience. Like the kids you're trying to find work for.

And maybe you should get off your ass more than once a month, which ironically, is the number of emails I get from you.

Oh just for the hell of it...



Just for being another cash drawing nothing.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
100 Visitors!!! Woo Hoo!!!

A Golden World did it! 100 Visitors!! Now don't let the hit counter fool you. As of this post, it read 400 Visitors. 200 of which were me, another 100 was the Yorkshire Angel, which leaves 100 left for you, the vigilant viewer. And it only took a month! Cheers to you all!! Here's hoping I can get 200 visitors this coming month! (God my drivel must seriously be too long or boring). As such, I've decided to dig deep into the bag of my reader's mail.

From: Isabella Dickens
To: jefftremblay2000@yahoo.ca
Subject: re [21]

[With no inline text, I simply received this jpeg as an attachment]



Wow! Let me just jump on this new bandwagon.

But wait. The one thing stopping me from getting any job (well ok, until recently, less working for rich, fat slobs who have nothing better to do than to feel bigger by making those smarter than themselves feel small) has been the fact I have TOO MANY letters behind my name, not too FEW. Though employers will see through the fraudulently acquired Degrees, employers, not looking for solutions, but rather individuals to bully and cause management to get fatter and slothier richer, can intimidate these lying new employees to devote their souls to Corporate America.

These though, kind sir, are NOT real degrees. Anyone who has a real degree knows it's the effort and learning process, not just the letters. Except for George Bush

and frankly, though completely retarded, he's rich.

Yes, this little known secret has been kept quiet for years. Dayum, why hasn't somebody told me about this already? Why did I waste 13 years of my life trying to better educate myself? Why didn't I just follow the Bush method and buy it.

Oh yeah, I needed money. But apparently not as much now.

SIGN ME UP!!

But wait. My name isn't Jeff Tremblay. Damn. This doesn't apply to me.

Oh well.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Yellow Card plus Implement of the Week

Well to start things off, let's actually talk about something positive. The greatest food ever.

Funnel cake. Mmmm... nectar of the gods. Better than pasta. Better than my beloved Montreal smoked meat. Better than poutine. And most of all, better than OREO BLIZZARDS from Dairy Queen. Whoever invented this nectar of the Gods, my friend, you are a genius. It is a damn shame that Canada's Wonderland is the only place I know of that consitantly has it on menu. Even more a shame, as the price is $6.99 per plate there, that I can't have an experiment proving that life can be sustained for a week eating nothing but funnel cake. And to answer your question, yes, in university, about 12 years ago, your 'umble writer undertook that very same assingment, but with Oreo Blizzards.

But, alas, what does a wonderful food with funnel cake have to do with a yellow card or implement of the week? Well, to start off, my beloved Yorkshire Angel and I went to said amusement park for possibly the last time today, as A Golden WorldTM may be off to not quite so sunny Vancouver next week, and we decided to take our fill of rides. And had some funnel cake as a bit of a snack, with only 1 hour left. Fair enough. There was a considerable queue to get a funnel cake (longer than some rides), which is fair enough, except the girl, who was at the till, had major problems figuring out which button to push. Not that the menu is that long. Funnel cake with Icing sugar. Funnel cake with Ice Cream. Funnel Cake with Strawberries. Funnel cake with Ice Cream and Strawberries. The latter three also all come with icing sugar. Regardless, only four buttons to worry about. But for ALL TEN of the customers ahead of me, she MESSED SOMETHING UP on the till. For delaying the restart of play by giving Dawn and I 10 less minutes for rides, to the girl and the retard who trained her,

Funnily enough, I ran into the implement of the week just after the funnel cake incident. The Tomb Raider ride is right beside the funnel cake store. The Yorkshire Angel isn't too fond of Tomb Raider (mmmm... Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft.... uggghhh...... oops stop drooling, who knows who's reading this) so I rode alone. I was walking through the handrails defining the queue when this young teenage kid runs ahead of me and buds in line. Well, I lose it. I snap. I yell at the kid, flurry to the solarplexes. Ok nothing physical, but I did get vocal with the little shit. He didn't care. Not like knocking me to the side and running along got him any closer through a 10 minute wait. After I re-took my spot in line, all the dickhead could do was bitch and piss IN A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE, not like I couldn't feel the anger hearing him rant in another language.

So, little shit of a 15 year old kid, for pissing people off in line, and not having the courage to confront someone face to face, I hearby declare you to be Implement of the Week.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
We must now prepare - Dubya is on to us!!!

Yup. And it only took about five years. Back then, the then governor of Texas was aspiring to be President of the United States. Having been from the nether regions that are Texas, little did Bush realize that Canada was a serious threat to the American way of life. Enter Rick Mercer...

Rick, in his constant search for the truth in his brilliant, groundbreaking segment for This Hour Has 22 Minutes, entitled TALKING TO AMERICANS, where in his ever so brilliant search for the truth, proved without a shadow of a doubt that Dubya is FUCKING RETARDED compared to any local village idiot. Doubt me? Check this out.

Four years later, Bush FINALLY realizes there's a country up here, visits us, and admits his mistake confusing this man...

Jean Cretien, for

poutine, a wonderful Quebecois dish of fries, cheese and gravy.

Well, now, a Canadian Spy Canadian student living in America may blow our cover cause more strife between Canada and the US. Hell, it even made OUR news (oh, wait, it's our news that doesn't get play down south. Oops).

Taken from the Toronto Star, Tuesday, 7 June 2005

WASHINGTON—His name is Travis Biehn, a teenager transplanted from Newfoundland to Pennsylvania's upper-middle-class Bucks County.

But two radically different portraits of the 17-year-old have emerged.

According to an aggressive media campaign abetted by the district attorney's office in the Philadelphia area, he is a dangerous young man who was intent on blowing up his high school — because he didn't like Americans.

To his family, friends, some classmates and his lawyer, he is a bright, techno-savvy prankster who is being tried publicly because he was proudly wearing an "I am Canadian" T-shirt when he was arrested.

One thing both sides can agree on — Biehn is in trouble and remains in custody, facing serious charges of making terroristic threats and possessing an incendiary device.

Police found some of the components that could be used to build a bomb in his bedroom, but not all the components for such a device, even though the district attorney is quoted as saying he had enough material to level the house.

It has raised the question as to whether Biehn is being accorded the same rights guaranteed an American or is being overly demonized because he is not from this country.

The case has drawn the attention of a Canadian consular official, Kimberly Lorentz, based at the consulate in Buffalo which has jurisdiction for the Philadelphia area.

"They are clearly playing the anti-American card and trying him in the media," said Biehn's lawyer, William Goldman. He accused Bucks County District Attorney Diane Gibbons of breaching professional ethics by outlining the case and cooking up motives to local reporters before she received any information that could be used in Biehn's defence.

The Central Bucks School District superintendent, Robert Laws, told reporters two students had stepped forward and told authorities the accused had bragged that he knew how to make bombs and planned to use them.

Gibbons also said the boy's parents were unco-operative when their home was searched, and then told reporters in Pennsylvania: "He apparently has made it clear that he does not like America and that he would prefer to be in Canada."

Neither Gibbons nor Laws returned calls from the Toronto Star yesterday.

The anti-American link apparently stems from the T-shirt Biehn wore during a court appearance Friday, which sported a number of pro-Canadian slogans. Travis' mother, a hockey player, brought the shirt back for her son after playing in a tournament in Canada.

The shirt carries slogans familiar to any Canadian.

"I am Canadian ..." it begins.

"I don't travel by dogsled.

"I live in a house, not an igloo.

"The Parliament building is not made of ice.

"We are still the best hockey players."

Goldman said there is not a single anti-American sentiment on the shirt.

"I love it," he said. "There is nothing wrong with being proud of being Canadian."

What is wrong, Goldman said, is the anti-American card being played in the media by the county's district attorney, resulting in a headline in The Allentown Morning Call which read: "DA: Teen bomb suspect hates U.S."

He was wearing the T-shirt because he was wearing it under a dress shirt when taken into custody on Thursday evening, Goldman said.

"He was wearing the same outfit, right down to his drawers," he said. "I respect the institution and when I go to court, I want to have my clients appropriately dressed. But when he's apprehended at night, held overnight and marched into court by 8:15 a.m., there is no time to put a suit and tie on him."

He also denied Biehn's parents were unco-operative.

"We have a constitution in this country and it says you have the right to remain silent and you have the right to counsel. That's all they did," he said.

Family friend Christopher Verone said he would wear the same T-shirt in court in solidarity with the Biehns.

"The Biehns are friends who are family," he said. "Travis is a very bright young man. After my two children, I feel like Travis and his sister are my children."

The family moved to Bucks County in 1999 when Biehn's father took a job with a pharmaceutical company.

Laws told the Morning Call he understands the boy had made anti-American remarks to students.

Goldman said no such evidence has come to his attention.

Still, the newspaper reported on the weekend: "The 17-year-old Bucks County boy charged with having bomb-making equipment in his bedroom and threatening to blow up his school is a Canadian who hates Americans, prosecutors say."

J.D. Mullane, a Bucks County Courier Times columnist, wrote: "It's easy to mock school administrators who enforce extreme `zero tolerance' policies by expelling kids caught with nail clippers and other `dangerous' contraband.

"But few of us will ever deal with a character like Travis William Biehn."

The county prosecutor says Biehn scrawled a bomb threat on a school bathroom wall on May 27, then drew a teacher's attention to it.

However, Goldman says, the threat was washed off before police were called.

"We don't know whether we're dealing with a right-hander or a left-hander," he said.

A spokesperson for the Canadian consulate in Buffalo, Kerry Mitchell, said it "would not be unusual" for a consular official to sit in on the trial.

"This is typical if a Canadian who happens to be in the U.S. finds themselves in some type of distress," Mitchell said. "What we could provide would depend on how that unfolds."

She said the case is gaining a lot of media attention because of Biehn's choice of T-shirt. "It is a T-shirt, after all," she said, "and only a T-shirt."


Wow, the terrorist threat from WEARING A T-SHIRT must be gigantic. But maybe Dubya sees something. The T-Shirt was taken from a Molson Canadian advertisement run about the same time Bush ran for Presidency the first time (and failed miserably, though bought the election with oil money), advocating Canadianism over Americanism (clearly a propaganda film), and hence, terrorism against freedom in it's Americanness. Here's the full ad, as it was run here in Canada...

Hey.
I'm not a lumberjack,
or a fur trader...
and I don't live in an igloo
or eat blubber, or own a dogsled...
and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,
although I'm certain they're really, really nice.

I have a Prime Minister,
not a President.
I speak English and French,
NOT American.
and I pronouce it ABOUT,
NOT A BOOT.

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.
I believe in peace keeping, NOT policing.
DIVERSITY, NOT assimilation,
AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL.
A TOQUE IS A HAT,
A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH,
AND IT IS PRONOUCED 'ZED' NOT 'ZEE', 'ZED'!

CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LANDMASS!
THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY!
AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA!

MY NAME IS JOE!
AND I AM CANADIAN!


By Paralogic1, A Golden WorldTM will now show all the propagandist slander in the above advertisement, which plainly and literally has not ONE terrorist reference.

We're not lumberjacks, or furtraders, which thusly means that we're not part of the machine to strip this continent of all of it's natural resources, who's ultimate goal is to prepetuate the largest industry in America, the automotive industry. Since we are not in support of the industry that makes Bush and his oil buddies rich beyond their wildest dreams, we, as Canadians, must be terrorists.

We don't live in Igloos, thus dispelling the myth that it's below freezing north of the US-Canadian border 11 months a year. Now more Americans will travel to Canada, to be in our cleaner land with ample health care. And since we have a health care system, by the government, that WORKS, we have defied Hitler II Bush, and thusly have committed an act of terrorism.

We have a Prime Minister, not a President. Hence, our government does not regard it's leader like the leader of a corporation, and since our government is not corporate, cannot be so easily bought off. And since each act of government does not prepetuate automotive and oil production, making Bush richer, we must be terrorists.

We speak English and French, not American. Thusly, we speak a language with subtext that can only be understood by other countries in the world, except for America. And since they are excluded, we must be committing terrorist acts.

We believe in Peace Keeping, not Policing. Because peace keeping has nothing to do with segregating groups to initiate fear in the masses and giving false superiority to pasty white people. And since we'd rather side with everyone instead of segregating everything making Stupid White Men powerful beyond belief, we must be terrorists.

We are the FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY. We are better than the Yanks at something athletic. This burns their ass like there is no tomorrow. Since they have no comeback here, we must be terrorists.

So my words to the wise, the Canadian military and terroristic strategists, watch out. Bush is on to you. Only five more years before he catches up.

1Paralogic: A form of proof, used by A Golden WorldTM, in which many random tangents are drawn until an idea is drawn to a randomly drawn up conclusion.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Red and or Yellow Card of the Day

Yeah, it's taken me nearly a week to come up with any kind of post to be worthy of creativity and originality. However, seeing the failure of Degrassi lessons to the world (ok I have no reason to get up at 6am to watch mindless Canadian teenaged melodrama), and also seeing as there's far less football (and yes that's football in the international sense, not the incestuous American sense - call it American Rugby already), I have decided to award various red and yellow cards when either I feel like it, or better yet, when I have nothing else to post.

So, to bring you all up to speed (ok just the Yanks) I have decided to post the reasons for issuing yellow and red cards, brought to you by FIFA:

YELLOW CARD



A player is cautioned and shown the yellow card if he commits any of the following seven offences:

1. is guilty of unsporting behaviour;
2. shows dissent by word or action;
3. persistently infringes the Laws of the Game;
4. delays the restart of play;
5. fails to respect the required distance when play is restarted with a corner kick or free kick ;
6. enters or re-enters the field of play without The Referee’s permission;
7. deliberately leaves the field of play without The Referee’s permission.

RED CARD



A player is sent off and shown the red card if he commits any of the following seven offences:

1. is guilty of serious foul play;
2. is guilty of violent conduct;
3. spits at an opponent or any other person;
4. denies the opposing team a goal or an obvious goalscoring opportunity by deliberately handling the ball (this does not apply to a goalkeeper within his own penalty area);
5. denies an obvious goalscoring opportunity to an opponent moving towards the player’s goal by an offence punishable by a free kick or a penalty kick;
6. uses offensive or insulting or abusive language and/or gestures;
7. receives a second caution in the same match.

Keeping that in mind, here's todays RED CARD for the day:

In keeping with recent events in the Golden World-A-Verse, I'll just start this with a little rant about my industry of choice, film.

We, in Canada, have always had a little problem about our film industry. We have no cash. During the 20's, 30's, and 40's, when studios in the United States were becoming a corporate enterprise, churning out big films and pulling in mega bucks, us Canadians, in yet another redundant attempt to prove to ourselves are NOT American, and being still somewhat under the strong influence of the British Empire, decided, ever-so moronically to appoint a well known Scottish propagandist documentarian, John Grierson to make ALL the decisions about film. As a result, virtually all film enterprise money was rationed (yes, I do mean rationed by every sense of the word) by the Government, and only toward "Factual" work, the only "Fiction" work to be animation (which I thank for the Log Driver and the Sweater from the NFB).

So fiction filmmaking takes a backseat until, oh, let's say the end of World War II. Then France, still drunk or hung over from the war (take your pick) can't make films because, after pre-lighting the streets of Paris, finally realize it's in ruin. Ooops. The plug is pulled on a bunch of productions. Quebec, the one province to have a mind outside of the BorgTM the British Empire, jumps in and creates a pile of French language films. Jackpot. Quebec creates an indigenious (if that's the right term, though with Quebec, other than the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup, what else applies to them :P) film industry, resulting in Toronto being right upset.

WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Seems Montreal kicks your ass yet again. Needless to say, to avoid being outdone yet again (as a sidenote hockey is at 24-11 for Montreal over Toronto) filmmakers from New York Jr. want to make some fiction feature length films. The government creates huge tax benefits for investors, and ultimately, instead of films being made, it becomes a huge money laundering scam. Now the retards in Toronto have killed any hope of corporately financing a film business in english speaking Canada.

But we don't give up. Ultimately, Telefilm Canada is created. Now before I go further, I would like to quickly go over lesson #1 I recieved at rip-off film "school".

SHOWBUSINESS: Two words, SHOW and BUSINESS. Must have the SHOW, or ENTERTAINING part, the other being BUSINESS, meaning the SHOW must make MONEY.

Knowing the Government of both Ontario and Canada, they have no concept of money (hell look at what a Canadian Dollar trades for these days...about 0.44 GBP at the time of this post). The most frightening though, as a mentor of mine, being the biggest casting agent in Canada, had told me, she had 4 scripts she saw, which she loved, but were shot down for Telefilm Funding, for the sole reason:

THEY WERE TOO COMMERCIAL

WHAT THE FUCK? You're trying to create a film business, but you ignore the fact that the film has to do business? And I wonder why we have to rely on the Yanks for jobs. I wonder if anyone told this guy

Mike Harris, former Ontario Premier, that we can only do films to "get screen credit, work with a great crew, eat good food, and meet people going places (in unfunded film)" FOR SO LONG. See, this village idiot, from up north, where nickle mining made all the industry in Sudbury and North Bay rich beyond their wildest dreams, that the whole reason the Yanks shoot films up here is 1. Toronto looks like either Chicago or New York, 2. Our exchange is favourable, and most importantly 3. the Yanks get massive tax breaks. Or GOT massive tax breaks. Yup, Mike hacked and slashed them so he could give his corp buddies new ivory backscratchers. Git.

So,

for spitting on Canadians who like good films,

for John Grierson...

for denying an obvious goalscoring opportunity,

for Telefilm Canada

for serious foul play

for Mike Harris.

That is all.
Friday, June 03, 2005
Gold Finds of the Day

Tired of get rich quick schemes? Check out the Banterist's new idea.

Freudian Tits found a bunch of tidbits, inclucing this which brings very warm feelings to my heart and should definitely be watched by all geordies, including Silk.

Ang reminds me on several posts why I'm glad I'm Canadian, and linked this cute advertisement for "Democracy Lite".
Whooooooopie!!!

Somebody actually voted on this wonderful blog piece of shit, and voted that they HATED my blog. I can't believe it.

WE HAVE A WINNER!!!

Finally, somebody who steps beyond the niceties and says what they really think, and don't follow the "you're site is nice" dogma I tend to hear. Well, except that said person, by voting, didn't identify themselves, thus making it easy to say they hated my blog.

Still, kudos to you for speaking your mind somehow. Now for me to speak my mind.......................................

Damn there's nothing in there right now... maybe later.
It's official...

I'm an insignificant microbe. Just check my TTLB link on the right side. Oh well. C'est la vie.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Vancouver Top Ten

Well, to be really honest, I'm bored, and I feel a big belt of writer's block right about now. As such, I'll do what David Letterman does as filler entertainment. A top ten list (which funnily enough I did last post. You might as well laugh here, I don't expect the jokes to be too funny today).

TOP TEN REASONS TO RELOCATE A GOLDEN WORLD TO VANCOUVER

10. I can get paying work out there in film. I can't get a job at McDonalds in Toronto.
9. I can get away from irritating Leaf fans who think their club will have a miracle season like the flukey Red Sox.

Leaf Fans after a pre-season, or friendly match.

Potentially the smartest Leaf fan ever.
8. Dawn will feel more at home with Vancouver's rain season, resembling that of the UK's, which lasts from 1 January, and going until 31 December.
7. Vancouver doesn't shut it's major freeways down for maintainence or marathons for entire weekends.

This is the Don Valley Parkway during light traffic. During rush hour it can take close to two hours to travel 13 miles along this stretch of road. And they close it almost 1 weekend per month in the summer.
6. Vancouver is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics. Hey, I don't have to rush for a place to stay. Toronto, who wants to be like New York and America, being the "best" (though failing miserably), has bid multiple times for the Olympics, and failed miserably as well.

The Vancouver Olympic Logo

Toronto fans still can't get over that exhibition win. Somebody should tell them we haven't had NHL hockey for about a year.
5. In Vancouver, pot is nearly legal.

4. Unlike the olden days (well, the 20th century and previous), one would have to send mailers out via regular post to inform others of their new addy. With the internetTM, that changes. I can just send a forward with a bunch of viruses muahahahahah with a happy face letting others know my new contact details.
3. Super bonus: http://agoldenworld.blogspot.com does not have to change! I can get into this account from any computer with an internetTM connection.
2. Extra super bonus: I will have to change my cell number from a 416 to a 604, therefore destroying the months of hardwork telemarketers have put in trying to sell me their wares. Ok, the hard work has been trying to fool me even though I have call display.
1. Vancouver, simply put, is Montreal without the french. Yup, a relaxed, anglo paradise.