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Saturday, June 04, 2005
Red and or Yellow Card of the Day

Yeah, it's taken me nearly a week to come up with any kind of post to be worthy of creativity and originality. However, seeing the failure of Degrassi lessons to the world (ok I have no reason to get up at 6am to watch mindless Canadian teenaged melodrama), and also seeing as there's far less football (and yes that's football in the international sense, not the incestuous American sense - call it American Rugby already), I have decided to award various red and yellow cards when either I feel like it, or better yet, when I have nothing else to post.

So, to bring you all up to speed (ok just the Yanks) I have decided to post the reasons for issuing yellow and red cards, brought to you by FIFA:


A player is cautioned and shown the yellow card if he commits any of the following seven offences:

1. is guilty of unsporting behaviour;
2. shows dissent by word or action;
3. persistently infringes the Laws of the Game;
4. delays the restart of play;
5. fails to respect the required distance when play is restarted with a corner kick or free kick ;
6. enters or re-enters the field of play without The Referee’s permission;
7. deliberately leaves the field of play without The Referee’s permission.


A player is sent off and shown the red card if he commits any of the following seven offences:

1. is guilty of serious foul play;
2. is guilty of violent conduct;
3. spits at an opponent or any other person;
4. denies the opposing team a goal or an obvious goalscoring opportunity by deliberately handling the ball (this does not apply to a goalkeeper within his own penalty area);
5. denies an obvious goalscoring opportunity to an opponent moving towards the player’s goal by an offence punishable by a free kick or a penalty kick;
6. uses offensive or insulting or abusive language and/or gestures;
7. receives a second caution in the same match.

Keeping that in mind, here's todays RED CARD for the day:

In keeping with recent events in the Golden World-A-Verse, I'll just start this with a little rant about my industry of choice, film.

We, in Canada, have always had a little problem about our film industry. We have no cash. During the 20's, 30's, and 40's, when studios in the United States were becoming a corporate enterprise, churning out big films and pulling in mega bucks, us Canadians, in yet another redundant attempt to prove to ourselves are NOT American, and being still somewhat under the strong influence of the British Empire, decided, ever-so moronically to appoint a well known Scottish propagandist documentarian, John Grierson to make ALL the decisions about film. As a result, virtually all film enterprise money was rationed (yes, I do mean rationed by every sense of the word) by the Government, and only toward "Factual" work, the only "Fiction" work to be animation (which I thank for the Log Driver and the Sweater from the NFB).

So fiction filmmaking takes a backseat until, oh, let's say the end of World War II. Then France, still drunk or hung over from the war (take your pick) can't make films because, after pre-lighting the streets of Paris, finally realize it's in ruin. Ooops. The plug is pulled on a bunch of productions. Quebec, the one province to have a mind outside of the BorgTM the British Empire, jumps in and creates a pile of French language films. Jackpot. Quebec creates an indigenious (if that's the right term, though with Quebec, other than the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup, what else applies to them :P) film industry, resulting in Toronto being right upset.

WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Seems Montreal kicks your ass yet again. Needless to say, to avoid being outdone yet again (as a sidenote hockey is at 24-11 for Montreal over Toronto) filmmakers from New York Jr. want to make some fiction feature length films. The government creates huge tax benefits for investors, and ultimately, instead of films being made, it becomes a huge money laundering scam. Now the retards in Toronto have killed any hope of corporately financing a film business in english speaking Canada.

But we don't give up. Ultimately, Telefilm Canada is created. Now before I go further, I would like to quickly go over lesson #1 I recieved at rip-off film "school".

SHOWBUSINESS: Two words, SHOW and BUSINESS. Must have the SHOW, or ENTERTAINING part, the other being BUSINESS, meaning the SHOW must make MONEY.

Knowing the Government of both Ontario and Canada, they have no concept of money (hell look at what a Canadian Dollar trades for these days...about 0.44 GBP at the time of this post). The most frightening though, as a mentor of mine, being the biggest casting agent in Canada, had told me, she had 4 scripts she saw, which she loved, but were shot down for Telefilm Funding, for the sole reason:


WHAT THE FUCK? You're trying to create a film business, but you ignore the fact that the film has to do business? And I wonder why we have to rely on the Yanks for jobs. I wonder if anyone told this guy

Mike Harris, former Ontario Premier, that we can only do films to "get screen credit, work with a great crew, eat good food, and meet people going places (in unfunded film)" FOR SO LONG. See, this village idiot, from up north, where nickle mining made all the industry in Sudbury and North Bay rich beyond their wildest dreams, that the whole reason the Yanks shoot films up here is 1. Toronto looks like either Chicago or New York, 2. Our exchange is favourable, and most importantly 3. the Yanks get massive tax breaks. Or GOT massive tax breaks. Yup, Mike hacked and slashed them so he could give his corp buddies new ivory backscratchers. Git.


for spitting on Canadians who like good films,

for John Grierson...

for denying an obvious goalscoring opportunity,

for Telefilm Canada

for serious foul play

for Mike Harris.

That is all.
neolithic pondered at 14:49
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