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Sunday, March 12, 2006
The grief over a paper cup

Now this isn't any ordinary paper cup. No, this was a RRROLL UP THE RIM TO WIN Tim Horton's cup. For those of you non-Canadians out there, the wonderful coffee and doughnut chain, Tim Horton's, has an annual contest they run, called, surprise surprise, RRRoll up the Rim to Win. On millions of cups nationwide, there is text printed under the rolled up rim of the cup, indicating as to whether you win or not, and what prize you have won if so. 99% of the time, it depresses the hell out of us because we get the all too familiar phrase Please Play Again. Occasionally, we win a free coffee, doughnut, or cookie. And the elite few lucky of us actually win a real prize, whether it be a television, automobile, or considerable sum of cash. No matter what, it's definitely worth your while to bear your teeth, nibble at the rim, and roll it up to see if you win. It costs you nothing as you'd probably have bought the coffee anyway. Tim Horton's is among the more inexpensive cups of coffee that can be bought in Canada.

Makes sense right? Well it does for all of Canada, less this one person in Montreal, Quebec. He tossed his cup in the bin before rolling it up. Later on, a ten year old girl found the cup, rolled up the rim, and won a $28,700 Toyota RAV 4. Well, the alleged purchaser of the coffee is seeking a legal route, claiming that he has legal ownership of the discarded cup. The debate has risen to the point that legal counsel are debating the possible use of DNA testing to validate the man's claim. More about the issue in this article over at CBC.

At this stage, can you say "what the fuck?" To prevent any futher debates as to idiotic displays of not participating in free contests designed to create a little extra traffic in retail outlets, I propose the following guidelines.

1. The finders keepers rule. If you get a free cup/sticker/ticket/whatever that a restaurant/retail chain uses for a contest or promotion, and without seeing if you win, and thusly bin it, you lose all claim to the potential reward within. If someone else picks it up, and wins, I have two words for you. Tough shit.

2. Due diligence. Upon purchasing an item that quailfies you for a free contest, you are hereby required to take the three seconds (or less in most cases) and discover whether you win or not. Failure to do so will result in a swift, painful smack upside the head. Further infractions may result in Wedgies, Indian Sunburns, and the dreaded Rear Admiral.

3. Legal pursuit of lost winnings. Any attempt to legally pursue any winnings a potential participant discards, for whatever reason, immediately subjugates the potential participant to a stay of no less than 6 months at the nearest local mental health facility, and must successfully pass testing to determine if brain activity is still present within their cereberal cortex. Failure to pass test will compoundly double the legally required stay.

As for the village idiot Plantiff in Montreal, I hereby award you

That is all.
neolithic pondered at 14:00
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