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Saturday, March 18, 2006
Where is this man?

For close to a week, the 'umble writer of this utter piece of shit wonderful blog has not managed one single post, thus affecting his typical average of one post per day. Well, his absence has been, well, completely overlooked as he was not missed one minute, less his beloved Yorkshire Girl, who unbeknownst to many has suceeded into reclusion, only appearing to check webcams at Ordsall Hall.

As many of you readers (what, about 10-12 of you now?) know, this eccentric mid-thirties dweeb spends his summers working in the film industry in Vancouver. What many of you may not know, however, is how many people associate his appearence quite strongly to several celebrities in current pop culture. As such, he may be hiding under one of five aliases:

Yes, Jeff too secretly devised world domination plans, only to be thwarted by his ever vigilant mother. Embittered for the nine-month prison term he spent in her womb, his world conquest included his mother's demise. Those plans disappeared about the same time he trekked out west to work in film. Though Stewie Griffin is too young an alias for Jeff now, it does seem that the rumours are true. Seth MacFarlane got a hold of an old baby picture and based the character on Jeff. How Jeff's head ceased to be rugby ball shaped is still a mystery.

During Jeff's grand experience in University, he learned the true meaning of Tom Petty's Last Dance With Mary Jane, and to boot, had flatmates who believed I was a near clone of the great rock star. Mind you, not many people see the resemblance. Maybe there was too much Mary Jane involved to make an accurate match.

Later in University, Chris Carter began production of The X-Files. With that, David Duchovny's career was born, and many friends of Jeff's (yup, in his universe, five does qualify for many in this category) were able to not only see the physical resemblance (less the hair colour), but also noticed shocking character similarities between Jeff and Fox Mulder. It became very little surprise then that Jeff chose Mulder as his online pseudonym for various chat and sci-fi forums to bitch about the lack of quality in film. Well, the bitching about film does qualify as one of the internet's two true purposes, doesn't it?

Yes, after graduation, one of Jeff's close friends consitantly reminded him that he was the spitting image of Beck. Jeff fought this notion tooth and nail, though during a freak appearence at a Hallowe'en party near Lester B. Pearson Airport in 1997, a gaggle of teenage girls at the event were convinced that not only did Jeff look like Beck, but rather that he WAS Beck. Freaky.

This one is just recent, but it does seem the management at Jeff's current job seem to think that Jeff looks a lot like William H. Macy. It's another one that's tough to see, but maybe it's just the hair.

Coincidence? Maybe. Those close to Jeff, however, feel he's on another of his delusions of grandieur. The most likely occurence from Jeff? Probably roaming around the lower mainland, force choking his foes, his identity concealed in this disguise:

Beware, in this state of mind, he is highly delusional, and may be prone to reciting the entire Star Wars Saga to you, line for line.

That is all.
neolithic pondered at 19:46